Last Saterday I had the opportunity to join my friend Valantin for a wedding. He picked me up at the hospital and we went to watch the world cup and have lunch at the house of one of his wife’s friends. As I enjoyed a meal of goat, chicken, rice, and boiled plantains, I was able to join the family in the world’s most televised event.
I couldn’t but help feel strangely at home. Sitting in a 94 degree house, eating strange food, with strange people who speak a strange language, I felt as if I had always sat at that table, eaten that food, and been a part of their family. I found the peaceful familiarity of community.
Finishing up the meal and washing up before the wedding we had to rush out during second overtime. As we hopped into the car, I heard cheers roaring through the neighborhood and shouts of “GOOOOAAAAALLLL” could be heard repetitively on the radio.
We quickly drove to the Delmas area and pulled up to this unfinished church. Looking up at this large three and a half story high building without a ceiling still under construction, you could see where small cracks had occurred during the earthquake. With the churches equivalent to the boy scouts and girl scouts seating all the guests, we quickly found a place and waited for the service to begin. Looking forward you could see a raised area where the choir sat under a cathedral like quarter dome. I was struck at the contrast of the bare wooden supports and raw concrete with the beautifully dressed Haitian men and women waltzing (yes they were waltzing) up the aisle.
Two days shy of the six month anniversary and I’m surrounded by symbols of new life and hope. Young people promising themselves to one another while the community cheers them on oohs and aahs (as if they’re love is a precious scandal that the community gets to be apart of). I sit and watch without understanding. I pray to God that this young couple will have a bright and beautiful future.
As I look around the room I spot a few blans, but for the most part it is just smiling and laughing Haitians. I see no amputees, I see no suffering, I see no pain, but I can’t help but wonder at the stories all around me. Six months… Is not very long, the scars are still fresh, the rubble may be a little more organized, but it is still there. Fallen buildings now serve to remind us of the mass graves they have become.
Coming back to Haiti after my initial time here has been challenging. Now that the trauma is finishing up, it is almost like the wind has died down and the sails lie slack with everyone just sitting and waiting for whatever is going to come next. For the first week, without the constant flow of patients and volunteers, I almost didn’t know what to do with myself. I would finish most of my work in the morning and then go around asking people if they needed help.
Without the emergency I began to feel useless. I started questioning why I had come back. What if the hospital doesn’t need me? What if Haiti doesn’t need me? I had gotten lost in what I had been doing. My pride was starting to wear on me, telling me lies. I was reminded that God did not call me back to save Haiti, that was not what he had in mind for me. That is not and never could be my job. God did not call me back to save this hospital, that was not what he had in mind for me. That is not and never could be my job. God did not call me back to save the Haitian people, that was not what he had in mind for me. That is not and never could be my job. What he did call me here to do was to love people. To humble myself and die to my wants and worries, so that I may be free to love him, and those around me.
Ask any Haitian, and they will tell you that “Only God can save Haiti.” Yes they need help, yes they need jobs, but what they don’t need is an American who has come to save them.
My good friend Valantin who now works for Foundation for Peace and leads short term American groups said to me one day “Luke, I love my job, because we get to help Haitian people, and at the same time, we get to save Americans.”
Maybe it is Haiti that is saving me. Maybe it is the poor that are calling to all of us… They are calling us out of our affluent poverty to join them in their wealth of community, laughter, and joy. Maybe it is not Haiti that needs saving…
